Held Before the Cast: The Photo that Reignited my Passion for Photography

I rotated my zoom ring to 120mm, scrolled the dial of my new mirrorless Nikon Z5 with my index finger to set my aperture to 14 f-stops, and set the shutter speed to 1/400s. I found the light, the composition, the feelings…I took the shot…it was then, that I reignited my passion for photography.

“Old Man in Coffee Shop”

Paris, France - 2018

Let me rewind a bit first, growing up I’d kept some form of art and creativity in my life, whether it was drawing or painting or crafts (big fan of Legos). It seemed to be something I could let my ADHD brain settle down and easily get lost in time. What I know now is that it wasn’t ever about the feeling of creating for me, it had always been the feeling of sharing something I’ve created with those around me. In 7th grade my dad bought me a DSLR Nikon D40 before a family trip to Kenya. I took photos of everything I saw and at the end of the trip I think I came out with 2 photos that were in focus — looking back at it I think those 2 photos were the few times my dad was trying to show me how to take a photo haha — I didn’t understand composition, or lighting, or meaning, or story then, but I did understand that feeling of love of creating and sharing.

Later on in college and managed to fit in some fine arts courses. They saved my sanity Junior and Senior year at the University of Denver. It was here that I truly developed an understanding of composition and lighting. We worked everyday with live figure models and it wasn’t long before I only saw shades of light that created the shapes and mass rather than a human body. These forms created by the light reflecting off of their curves and creases were only recognizable as human beings over time and it was up to me to bring them life in the 2-dimensional world with a pencil! This was actually some of the hardest brain exercises I have endured to date. But it was this time that gave me a true appreciation for light and composition and bringing life to the 2D medium. It wasn’t until senior year that I dug that old, dusty Nikon D40 out of the closet for a spring interim photography course over in Europe.

I quickly learned that photography is a an entirely different beast than drawing. Drawing, you can create anything that your mind can comprehend, where as photography you have much less control over the perfect shot stored in your mind. At this point in my creative journey, I enjoyed creating and sharing, I understood composition and lighting, and I was learning the basic fundamentals of an old camera that I quickly grew aware of its’ limits. I was missing something though, and I didn’t really understand what that missing piece was. My photos were dull and I didn’t seem to have the skill or ability to bring photos more life and meaning. This truly stumped me, but I continued to take photos occasionally through the rest of college and into my mid 20’s. My photos were not authentic, they didn’t have meaning to me, it was as if I was trying to take photos that meant something to people I had never met before, like I was trying to fit into some cast I never belonged in. That was until I went on a fly fishing trip to Turneffe Flats, Belize with my dad in June of 2023.

It was calm that mid-summer day with the eerie looking clouds stacking up in the distance. The sun was shining directly down, illuminating everything from the waters’ surface to the sand and coral structures 3 feet below. The vivid blues in the sky and turquoise water, there I was on a small skiff on the Turneffe Flats. My dad standing on the bow of the boat, holding his fly in his hand as we patiently poled our way across an opening hunting. We eagerly looked for that permit tail slicing it’s way across the the surface of the water. Tensions rising, we were at the whim of the sea. It was an adventure of a lifetime and better yet, it was a shared experience with someone I look up to.

The moment I took this photo I knew I it was something special. It was everything I had learned creatively all wrapped up in one photo but this time, it also had meaning, and feeling, and I felt as if I could proudly own that shot. It was genuine, candid, authentic. And that’s when photography clicked for me. From then on, photography has been different. I have been going places and doing things that I love to do, and taking photos of those things. Whether it’s of places and landscapes, adventure sports in the mountains, or of people that I share meaningful times with, I’ve found that missing factor. I was no longer taking photos that I thought someone else might like or going places and doing things that I thought other people might enjoy. I started going places and doing things that meant something to me, because I’m the only one feeling those feelings and I’m the only one that can properly interpret and convey those feelings!

I learned how to frame the world in school, but I learned how to claim it that day in Belize.